I don't know when this gift to love people I had went away, but I really miss it. I think it happened when I moved to Utah, I think it's because I have had 2 life's. I don't know very many people that have lived two life's but I have.
You see I used to have this life with this wonderful family in this beautiful home where I had a mom and a dad and lots of sister. Every Sunday we went to church altogether and had an amazing dinner and every Saturday we would clean the house. We got up super early every morning to have scripture study and we would end every night with a family prayer. I loved this life, I loved people, I loved everything.
Then I moved to Utah and I had a mom and siblings, and lots of family here. And every Sunday we went to church together and had a amazing dinner, and every Saturday we would clean the house. And we read scriptures at night and we would end every night with a prayer, but it was different... I don't know why and I don't know how but I changed.
Obviously there is a BIG difference between these two life's I have lived, and I'm not looking for sympathy or anything so don't think that, but I believe my gift went away when my dad was killed in an accident. And I say killed because that's what happened, he didn't die, he didn't pass away he was hit on his Bike and killed. I do miss him a lot, no one will ever understand. And I want him back, but something left from me with him.
I have lost this special gift and I want it back... I do love people but sometimes they just drive me crazy!!! And I'm not saying this because someone is driving me crazy at this moment I am saying this because I need to get over this attitude and get my gift back.
So when I snap at you for some stupid reason I just want you to know that it's not you, it's me. I am working on it and I guess you'll just have to be a little patient with me. And I'm sure all of you who are reading this obviously we are pretty close and I have probably snapped at you before and I just want to say
I'm sorry.
and
I'll be better.
I promise.
4 comments:
Snif, snif, snif......
I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH!!! You are such an AMAZING person! Everyone loves you so much! YES WE ALL make mistakes and have to take time out to do some personal "soul searching" .... I did this myself this week and made some big apologies. I miss your dad too! He was such an amazing example to all who met him. He will forever be in our families heart! So thankful that my son has such an AMAZING eternal companion! Love ya!!!
Whit - you rock my world!! Your honesty becomes you and I see you taking the proper steps to get "it" back. I, like you, miss the old me but I have found in my quest for "the old Debbie" that I am blossoming into a "new Debbie" and I kinda like her. Part of my new Debbie comes from a great example, your Dad. I didn't appreciate what he was trying to share with me when he was here. I can't change that but I can be better for having a bit of him in my life and I have promised myself to take what I've learned from him, develop it, strengthen it and show it to him when I see him again. I loves you - keep up the great work and always believe that you can do it because YOU Whitney Loveland Martinez CAN!! XOXOXOXOXO, Debbs
YOU ARE AMAZING! I feel so blessed to have you a part of my family.
Just know that I'm here if you ever need to talk.
Wow I really look up to you Whit! You are so strong!
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